Clown Planet Holds General Election; Cream Pie Wins In Landslide

CLOWN PLANET (ORBIT 2) — Voters on the Clown Planet returned a historic result on Saturday, electing a cream pie as Grand Juggler with 87% of the vote, ahead of incumbent Grand Juggler Squeaky the Fourth and a rubber chicken running on a reform ticket.

The pie, which did not campaign, give speeches or have a face, ran on what analysts described as a platform of “being delicious” and “hitting people,” and was widely considered the most honest candidate in the race.

Turnout was recorded at 140%, a figure electoral officials attributed to “clown car voting,” in which an unknown number of voters emerge from a single small vehicle. Officials say they counted forty-two voters entering the booth from one compact car and have “stopped trying to understand it.”

Squeaky the Fourth conceded with grace, then threw a second pie at the first pie, an act that constitutional scholars are now debating as either a coup or a coalition.

The rubber chicken, who won 2% of the vote, said he was proud of the campaign and would continue to fight for his supporters, then made a noise that his staff later clarified was “a statement.”

The new Grand Juggler’s first act in office was to be eaten, which the Clown Planet constitution counts as a successful term. A new election will be held on Thursday.