Citizen Obtains Referral For A Referral, Is Told He Now Needs A Referral To Use It

MUNICIPAL OFFICE NO. 4 — A local man completed an eleven-week campaign on Wednesday to obtain a referral for a referral, only to learn at Window 3 that the referral can be used only with a referral from Window 7, which is on its break.

Window 7 has been on its break since 1994.

“The system works,” said the clerk at Window 3, stamping something that may or may not have been his form. “It just doesn’t work today.” Asked when it would work, she replied “dođite sutra,” or “come back tomorrow,” a phrase linguists now classify as the region’s fourth verb tense: the Future Indefinite Administrative.

A notice taped to the glass reads: WE DO NOT HAVE THE FORM. ASK AT THE COUNTER WHERE THE FORM IS. The counter where the form is has a notice that reads: THE FORM IS AT WINDOW 3. Officials say the arrangement has been stable for decades and is considered “a closed ecosystem.”

Citizens are reminded to bring two photocopies of every document, including the photocopies, along with a 300-unit administrative tax paid at the post office, which is open on alternate Thursdays when the moon is in the correct ministry.

The man said he did not regret the process. “I met people,” he said. “There is a woman in the queue who has been here since before the war. I don’t know which war. Neither does she. We are very close now.”

At press time, the man had been asked to prove that he exists, using a certificate that can only be issued to people who have already proved that they exist.