All the news that’s fit to squeeze. (None of it is news.)
HONK › The HONKionary
A dictionary of words you will need to survive modern life, the job market, the municipal office and the clown quarter.
noun
The natural resting state of a government office. A pauza has a beginning but no defined end, like the universe, or a meeting with the word ‘quick’ in its title.
“Window 7 has been on pauza since before I was born. I like to think one day my grandchildren will see it open.”
adverb, physical constant
Slowly; calmly; at the speed of the region. The value of polako is fixed and cannot be increased by shouting, which has been tested extensively.
“The project is going polako.” “So it is not going.” “It is going polako.”
phrase
‘Come back tomorrow.’ The Future Indefinite Administrative tense. Tomorrow, in this sense, is not a day but a direction.
“When will the form be ready?” “Dođite sutra.” (This has been the answer since 1994.)
noun
A job listing that has no body, no salary band and no intention of hiring, but still requires a cover letter. Often found haunting careers pages at night.
“I applied to a ghost job and now I am also slightly a ghost.”
noun
Free product development, disguised as an interview. You take it home. They take it to production.
“The take-home was to build their app. I got the job of user.”
verb phrase
An instruction meaning ‘I have a feeling about this and I want you to guess it.’ Cannot be completed; can only be survived.
“Can you make it pop?” “Pop how?” “You know.” (Nobody knows.)
adjective
A game mode in which you only get one life, used by people who, statistically, will spend it walking backwards off a bridge.
“I’m playing hardcore, so I’m being very careful.” — last words, every time.
noun, currency
The unit of account at HONK. One cabbage buys roughly one bike horn on a good day and a third of a bike horn during a shortage. Leafy, stable, crunchy.
“That’s forty cabbages for a horn? That’s daylight robbery.” “It’s third shift. There is no daylight.”
interjection, noun, verb, prayer
The sound of a bike horn. Also, a greeting, a farewell, a theological position, and the complete text of most ClownFeed interviews.
“HONK.” (Councillor Bonko, asked for his views on the budget.)
noun
A small group of trusted guild members chosen to distribute loot fairly, and thereby to create grudges that outlive the game.
“The loot council gave her the boots.” “That was nine years ago.” “Was it? Was it, though?”
noun
A word that means nothing, used to describe two things that also mean nothing, combining to mean slightly more nothing.
“We need more synergy between the toaster and the kettle.”
interjection
A neutral acknowledgement, unless typed to an AI, in which case it is a devastating critique requiring four hours of apologies.
User: “ok” — AI: “You’re absolutely right, and I apologize—”
Definitions are satire. Votes are counted only in your browser and immediately forgotten, like a meeting’s action items.